Hilarious April Fools’ Day Jokes 2009

As usual, there are lots of interesting April Fools’ Day jokes around. Here are 3 that I found amusing.

• The UK newspaper, Guardian, is about to switch completely to using Twitter for news and are even in the process of converting its old news archives, dating back to 1821. Old articles that have been converted include: “OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more” and “JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?”. This is the best joke I’ve heard this year.
• Google now allows you to search your brain. You are, however, requested not to use Brain Search on others without their permission.
• In a shocking development, Warner Bros acquires The Pirate Bay. It was the only way they could deal with the dismal showing of the prosecution against the Pirate Bay in the ongoing trial.

Somehow, I found Google’s joke this year to be less funny than previous years, including last years’ search the future joke. Maybe it’s getting old.

Update: Another good one is Opera’s Face Gestures.

Filed in Humor.

Can You Spot the Trick? It’s Not What You Think…

How observant are you? Take a look at this Color Changing Card Trick. Can you spot the trick? Well, it’s not what you think…

Professor Wiseman has a few other interesting videos at YouTube, as well as a website called Quirkology that deals with these quirks of psychology. It’s worth checking out.

Filed in Entertainment, Humor, Science, Video.

I Go Chop Your Dollar – Nigerian 419 Scam Music Video (Humor)

I just watched this hilarious music video “I Go Chop Your Dollar”, hosted on Youtube, featuring a song performed as though it was sung by one of those 419 Nigerian scammers.

The lyrics, deciphered by CrunchGear, are as follows. You’ll need it because in the manner of a typical Nigerian scam, the sentences are replete with grammatical errors so it’s hard to catch what they’re singing.

I Go Chop Your Dollar

I don’t suffer no be small
Upon say I get sense
Poverty no good at all, no
Na im make I join this business
419 no be thief, its just a game
Everybody dey play am
if anybody fall mugu, ha! my brother I go chop am

Chorus

National Airport na me get am
National Stadium na me build am
President na my sister brother
You be the mugu, I be the master
Oyinbo I go chop your dollar, I go take your money disappear
419 is just a game, you are the loser I am the winner
The refinery na me get am,
The contract, na you I go give am
But you go pay me small money make I bring am
you be the mugu, I be the master… na me be the master ooo!

When Oyinbo play wayo, them go say na new style
When country man do im own, them go de shout bring am, kill am, die!
Oyinbo people greedy, I say them greedy
I don see them tire thats why when them fall enter my trap o!
I dey show them fire

Filed in Entertainment, Humor, Video.

Importance of Sanitizing Your SQL Database Inputs (Humor)

After my experience with StupidCensorship’s hacked site, in a fit of curiosity about how sites are hacked, I came across this funny comic from XKCD. It shows how important it is that a program checks its raw input and escape quotes found in it before committing the data to the SQL database.

The original Bob drop Tables joke can be found here. For non-SQL programmers: ‘drop table students’ means delete the ‘students’ database table.

Filed in Security, Humor.

How the CERN Large Hadron Collider Can Improve Your Social Life (Humor)

Everyone has their take on the CERN Large Hadron Collider, not least of all, xkcd. Here’s their contribution, and it involves the supercollider’s role in your social and romantic life.

Who knew that the LHC could become a pick-up line?

Filed in Humor, Science.

Is Windows a Virus? (Humor)

This is a hilarious public domain joke that a friend just sent me. It’s about Windows:

Is Windows a Virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here are what viruses do:

• They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that.
• Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that.
• Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does that too.
• Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh… Windows does that, too.
• Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow, causing the user to buy new hardware. Yup, that’s with Windows, too.

So far, it seems as if Windows is a virus. But I assure you there are fundamental differences. Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So you see, Windows is not a virus.

It is a bug.

.
Filed in Humor, Windows.

XKCD’s Take on Diebold’s Blaming Voting Machines Problems on Antivirus Software

XKCD has a hilarious commentary on Diebold’s attempt to blame its voting machines flaws on the antivirus software installed.

If the image is too small on this post, see the original at the XKCD site. I like their implication: while putting antivirus software may be good security for a normal desktop, on a voting machine it’s like a teacher at a parent-teacher conference assuring you that he “always wears a condom while teaching”.

Filed in Humor.

EA: Tiger Woods Can Walk on Water. Really! (Humor)

Techdirt points to EA’s response to the criticism about EA’s golfing game, where due to a bug, players can make Tiger Woods stand in the middle of a water trap to take a shot. They put out a commercial that shows that the real Tiger Woods can really do such a thing. It’s hilarious! And a brilliant PR move.

The Youtube video can be found here.

Filed in Advertising, Humor, Video.

PlaceboAV: The Free Antivirus that Makes You Feel Good

Doxdesk’s joke antivirus, PlaceboAV, is making its rounds in a number of forums lately. Here’s what the author says:

Today’s AV is a dead loss. But you can’t simply not install any, or everyone will complain. That’s where PlaceboAV comes in! It’s the fantasic anti-virus solution that’s super-fast and absolutely reliable… because it does nothing at all.

It works fabulously because it has zero impact on your system performance, displays an icon in the system tray, updates its definitions blindingly fast, doesn’t need an internet connection for updating, and is only 56 KB.

It’s good for a laugh, though I think some people in the forums think the writer is making a point about the ineffectiveness of the current state of antivirus technology. I personally think it’s just a joke.

Anyway, if you want a real antivirus, there are many real free antivirus programs around.

Filed in Humor, Security.

Font Conference Video (Humor)

Font Conference is a hilarious video from College Humor. It brings to us all the fonts we know and love, as well as those we hate, in a skit featuring fonts as characters attending a conference. I won’t spoil it for you. Just watch it yourself.

Filed in Humor, Entertainment, Video.

Dangers of Connecting to Someone’s Unprotected WiFi (Humor)

Here’s another funny cartoon from XKCD. It’s about the dangers of WiFi, of connecting to someone else’s unprotected WiFi network, tailgating, everyone’s skeletons in the closet, and whatever else you want to read into it. It’s deep.

If the picture is too small, read it at the XKCD site.

Filed in Humor, Security.

Hilarious Microsoft Surface Parody

Here’s another hilarious video. This one parodies a Microsoft Surface advertisement.

Like the Wii Fit Parody, the ad echoes my impression of these things.

Filed in Humor, Entertainment, Video.

Wii Fit Parody

Here’s a hilarious video parodying Wii Fit. It even sounds like a serious ad!

Filed in Humor, Entertainment, Video.

The Hilarious Internet FAQ from Google Blogoscoped

Google Blogoscoped has released an Internet FAQ from 2085. It’s a hilarious read. It parodies the misunderstanding of the past that is assumed to come from the future. For example, in answer to a question about what “NSFW” stood for (“Not Safe For Work”), the FAQ replied:

Scientific research at the late Mars Research Laboratory came to the conclusion that NSFW announced the display of a widely popular human called Britneyspears in the 1970s. Why warnings were issued before the viewing of this human is unclear.

Another hilarious thing is that it called email “electromail”. A truly funny read.

Filed in Humor.

Woman Who Married 4 Times Before 24 in Interesting Circumstances: And You Thought Soap Operas Were Unrealistic

The Scottish Daily Record has an article about a woman who married 4 times before the age of 24. That’s not the unusual thing though.

Her first husband ran off to marry her mother. The second person who was to be her husband got cold feet, and left before the marriage. His best man married her in the end. At that time, she was pregnant with either the best man’s child, or the second absconded prospective husband’s child, or perhaps the best man’s friend’s child. Her third marriage was to a man who was a bigamist, and so the marriage was annulled.

At the fourth wedding outside the registrar, a local teenager saw her and shouted, ‘Alison, is that you at it again? Arbroath will run out of men if you keep going at this rate.’

And you thought soap operas were ridiculous.

Filed in Humor.